You Do Not Have to Be Perfect to Succeed (or Get In)
/6/2/26
I had just watched a masterclass on how high achieving women can live their best lives, when I made the grave mistake of watching the
Most.
Stressful.
Video.
Ever.
It was sent to me by a friend who's the parent of a 5th grader.
When watching this video, my chest tightened and I felt sad.
Underneath all of this teen’s achievement, I saw how hard she was on herself.
She talked about her grades -- 16 AP classes with all A's... and then noted she got two A minuses.
She described her SAT score of a 1520 — top 1% —and described it as “the bottom 10th percentile” of accepted students.
She wasn’t happy with the 1520 and forced herself to retake the SATs 3 times.
I just wanted to hug her — and all the other "perfect" Asian-American teens aiming for the Ivy League — and tell them:
You are enough.
You do not have to work to be worthy.
You do not have to be perfect to succeed.
I listened to all of the YouTuber’s achievements and thought:
What does she do for fun?
How's her mental health?
What will she feel like in 30 years?
I’m an Ivy admissions coach and I work intimately with high achieving teens. 92% of my top students get into Ivy-level schools or UCB/UCLA.
I know exactly what high achievers are like behind closed doors.
I can tell you -- many of them are stressed.
Crying stressed.
Cheating stressed.
Overusing AI as a “thought partner” (aka therapist) stressed.
They are missing friends, missing sleep, missing school stressed.
As a Stanford grad myself, I’ve seen high achievers in college, after college, big careers, fancy resumes... and deeply unhappy. Burned out. Stressed out.
Don’t believe me?
I'm here to say you don't have to do it all to find success.
Focus on joy.
Claim your power.
The rest will come.
That's how I coach my students.
Case in point — I recently worked with an Asian-American teen who was a high achiever, but her parents didn't value academic pedigree.
Instead, they cared more about mental health and finding a college that would support her as a human being.
This teen valued wellness so we built her capstone project around that principle.
The beauty of that focus was the more she worked on it, the more it brought her joy.
We also identified her dream career and I taught her how to find mentors in the field.
Mentors, myself included, help you leapfrog over the grind so you get to success faster.
I observed that she was like so many of my Asian-American students — she was far too humble.
So I told her to claim her power, speak up and advocate for herself.
She followed my encouragement and then secured the top leadership position for a very high profile group at her school.
Then came essays.
She went to an essay bootcamp at her elite private school and emerged with two personal statements greenlit by her counselor and an outside college admissions officer.
Afterwards, I took a look and told her not to use them.
To me, they didn't show her strength or her gravitas.
With my thought partnership, she ended up writing a collection of incredibly authentic essays that demonstrated her power.
She got into Stanford.
She did not start a non-profit.
Was not a Coca Cola Scholar.
Did not found of a company that earned $30 million in ARR.
She got in as herself.
With her mental health intact.
I'm confident she'll take that philosophy of wellness with her to Stanford and beyond.
College is only the beginning.
A career is longer than college.
And a life is longer than a career.
Never sacrifice a life to build a resume.
—
Do you know any high achieving teens who want to create their own success — without the stress? Send them to Alice. One spot open for each of the Classes of 2027 and 2028.
—
Read More:
How to Protect Your Teen’s Mental Health through College Admissions (The South Asian Times, by Alice Chen)
Contrarian Thinking in College Admissions (and Life)
From Mopping Floors to Lunching with CEOs: What I Wish I Knew in High School